This time I got Perplexity AI to draft a letter from Alexis to Leslie offering Leslie the position of company whore at Colby Co. I wish Leslie well:
My Dear Leslie,
I do hope this note finds you… well, let’s say not too worn out. After all, entertaining other women’s husbands must be utterly exhausting work, though I must admit you show a particular aptitude for it.
Since it appears you’ve already appointed yourself to a rather unofficial role in my life, I thought it only fair — and terribly modern of me — to give you a formal job title. Congratulations, my dear: I am delighted to offer you the inaugural position of Company Whore at ColbyCo.
Now don’t look so shocked — you’ve been rehearsing beautifully for the part! Consider it a natural progression of your… extracurricular talents. Besides, no one can say Alexis Colby is ungenerous; I always believe hard work — in your case, very hard work — deserves recognition.
Of course, this appointment is purely symbolic — let’s not overestimate the salary or the office. Your desk will likely be wherever you last dropped your inhibitions. But do take pride in knowing that while others climb the ladder through vision, strategy, and grit, you’ve managed to sprawl your way directly into notoriety.
I’ll leave you with this: loyalty in business is as precious as loyalty in marriage — scarce, costly when squandered, and impossible to regain. Enjoy your new position, sweetheart. For a time.
Cordially (though never kindly),
Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan