the colbys episode 16 - my father’s house

So after tumbling down the cliff and appearing lifeless on the beach, Jeff comes away with some scratches on the head. Not even a broken finger. What the hell is that! Even cartoon characters suffer greater injuries. I guess they did this so Jeff does not have to go to the hospital and Miles would have to explain this to the police. Fine - but why bother anyway. It is not like anything was resolved with the new brothers.

After the fall, Jeff is interested in planning his wedding to Fallon and wants it to be in Denver - you know, with his real family. Fallon feels that they should have the wedding in Jason’s house because that is obviously the wisest decision. Let’s rub this into Miles’s face some more. Of course, we all know that the first Fallon would have wanted to have this wedding in Denver, but English Fallon is still creeped out by the mansion and is a little bit superstitious about having the wedding in the Denver mansion Maybe she will run off again.

Why even have the wedding in Jason’s house if Jeff still refuses to talk to Jason. Jason decides to suck up to his grandson, L.B., instead. I can see Jason’s need to attachment himself to L.B. because this is his first grandson. What I don’t get is why Jason takes it on himself to tell L.B. the truth. That really should be the job of Jeff. But Jeff doesn’t seem to be pissed about it, so why am I complaining. Jason does hit it off well with L.B. but confides in Connie that Jeff will never accept him.

Of course, Connie will interfere. In order to convince Jeff to give Jason a chance, she trashes Phillip. Phillip was no hero. He was a gambler who embezzled Colby Enterprises’ funds in order to pay his debts. And for that grave sin, his father, Andrew Colby. cut him out of the will. This is why Phillip decided to go to Vietnam. Yeah, none of this makes that much sense to me. That is pretty harsh. This Andrew Colby seems like a real piece of work - cutting off two of his sons. At least Cecil was more successful.

Further proof that Andrew Colby is a jerk is that he stipulated in his will that the Colby House could not be sold and can only be owned by a Colby. I don’t think he can legally do that unless he put the House in a trust - which he clearly did not did. Why does this matter? Ah, because of the divorce between Sable and Jason. Under California law, Sable is entitled to one half of the community property. There really is no way around this and Jason is accepting of it. However, when Sable tells her attorney that she wants the home, she learns that she cannot have it and that Jason will fight her on the divorce if she demands it. Sable clearly does not want the divorce so she will use the House to drag it out.

Sable tells Jason she wants the home and Jason probably would just give it to her if Connie did not own half of it. And Connie has no intention of selling her half to Jason to give it to Sable. Connie knows Sable is up to no good and decides to get a private investigator - Harold Jessup - to follow Sable 24-7. It is a shame Morgan Hess was not available.

The private investigator wastes no time in tracking Sable, beginning their work that night, just in time to see Sable entertaining Zach at the Colby Collection. Sable is ready to do her own thing (though she clearly loves Jason) but she is apprehensive to have sex with Zach just yet. Even after she goes back to Zach’s apartment, she is not yet ready to be unfaithful to Jason. Zach allows her her space. But, Zach is not one to give up so easily and he has found a way to get Sable into his debt.

Sable mentions that all she wants is Frankie' out of her life. Amazingly, Zach has some pull with the British diplomatic service and claims he can pull a few strings to get Roger’s post moved out of Los Angeles. Apparently, it works because Roger is reassigned to Singapore. He is not thrilled with the move and decides to go to London to fix matters. He wants Frankie with him, but Frankie claims she needs to stay in Los Angeles for Jeff, blah, blah, blah. Roger knows better.

Meanwhile, Sable decides to hang out in Zach’s apartment the following morning. Why would she do that? Oh, I know why, because Miles decides he needs to see Zach in his apartment since Zach clearly does not have an office. Shocking, Miles does not find Zach there but sees his mother in a robe. Freak out time again for Miles.

Sadly, there is no Bliss in this episode. Whatever will be do. We do have Monica (who is so underused) who visits Wayne at his home. So, Wayne has been sculpting a bust of Monica - like something out of Lionel Richie’s “Hello” video. I mean, has he touched her face that much to remember what she is like. More power to him. Monica tells Wayne that he is correct about the tour, but Wayne is more interested in a tour with Monica.

That bring us to the cliffhanger of this episode. Jason’s new best friend, L.B., is snooping in Jason’s new bedroom and finds Jason’s watch that had fascinated him earlier. As he pockets the watch, a maid comes into the room with two moving guys to replace Jason’s bed with a much bigger one. God forbid Jason must sleep in a full size bed. Also, why is there a bed of that size in that bed? Anyway, the movers recognize L.B. as the son of Jeff, who just got $500,000,000 and they are fascinated by the amount of money. Yes, we all know what this means. It appears L.B. has been kidnapped for a second time since no one can find him. A house this big and with all these people, and somehow L.B. was kidnapped - again. I can’t believe it. Has anyone seen Claudia?

Memorable Dialogue

Jason: I never wanted any of this. I’m sorry.
Sable: Sorry. You don’t know the meaning of the word. But you will.

Frankie: I want nothing from you.
Sable: Ahh, that is exactly what you’re going to get. You will never have Jason or anything that goes with him. Now, get out.

Frankie (to Sable): I feel sorry for you. You have everything and nothing.

Sable (to Jason): I suggest you talk to Connie and use some of that famous Jason Colby charm that worked on my sister.

Sable: I’ve never been unfaithful to Jason.
Zach: Pets are faithful, Sabella. Blindly, obediently/ Among the higher species, however, fidelity has to be earned. I say Jason no longer deserves yours.

Sable: Thank you, Zach. I can’t thank you enough.
Zach: Oh yes you can if you try. But for now, let’s say you owe me. I’ll collect. I always do.

Jason: Don’t play games with me lady. You are still my wife.
Sable: Only technically. May I remind you that you left my bed. From now I, I go where I please, when I please, with whom I please.

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